And Mark is talking nonstop about his "ruined woman." and me and mac and joey - we're like "uh, like she was molested as a kid?" "like she was burned in a fire or some shit?" and he's like - "no, idiots, her last boyfriend had this HUGE dick."
This is true. we all actually knew about it but we played dumb for mark's sake. like her last boyfriend -- whatever his name was -- we'll call him Giant Dick -- Giant Dick was stuffed. he wasn't even a show-off about it. i mean, he was kind of a prick, but not about that. still you could see it in his pants. baggy pants. jeans. didn't matter. the thing had a personality. a zip code. it was like the truman show - like the whole world potentially revolved around his cock. sit across from him on the bus -- you'll totally regret it. you'll just end up staring at this hefty bulge in his pants. without even meaning to. christ.
so now Mark hooks up with Marie who's like a 9 and they meet up at the special collections section at the CSI library -- ancient greek language or some shit -- and she just stops. she's got this totally confused look on her face, like she just found a new friggin species -- and she's like, Are you kinda small???
she's doesn't TELL him he's small -- she friggin ASKS him IF he's small. mind-blowing.
so turns out Marie's only been with Giant Dick. his is the only dick she's ever seen. for four years. poor girl. ruined for life. poor ruined marie.
The BEST part - Mark pulls her back into it - Marie stops asking questions - eventually blows him - and then THANKS him. says - i quote - "it was just so much easier to handle."
so i guess everybody wins. mark gets a blow job. marie's no longer ruined. and Giant Dick still has a giant dick. it's like a friggin fairy tale.
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