Orgasmic Relief

OK - so one of my summer assignments from my mentor - this guy Howard who runs the athletic health department - is to go online and read all the Health sections on all the major news websites. and i'm totally about it. it's pretty much what i do anyway - except usually i get sidetracked reading about jennifer aniston's new boob job or whatever.

So this weekend i'm looking around and i see this article on the "joy of comfort sex" (which - according to this dude - is some kind of scripted sex where you plan it out beforehand cause you know the shit works and you both wanna get off together - NEWS to me). so i'm skimming this shit and stumble on this - which i just HAD to post:

"First off, consider that many women don’t even experience orgasm the first few times they have sex with a guy, which some evolutionary anthropologists conjecture is like a built-in vetting mechanism: Because the female orgasm takes time to achieve, its mastery requires dedication and patience, an extended “getting to know you” process that encourages a woman to seek out relationships with the partner who will ultimately invest adequate time and energy in the effort to familiarize himself with her unique sexuality.

As Emily Nagoski writes in the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms, 'A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship. Her body needs time to adapt to the new partner, to learn to trust him or her, and to relax into the knowledge that her partner accepts and appreciates her body.'"

[yo - required reading]

Why they don't teach this shit in grade school - i'll never understand. men should know this. men should have this drilled into their skulls. men should know not to expect that it's gonna happen on the first try. for god sakes - WOMEN shouldn't expect that either. it's not always our fault, ladies. you got vettin' to do.

other thing - about the "appreciates her body" business - that's ridiculous. can i just say - me having sex with someone ... you can pretty much assume that i appreciate her body. that's kind of a given. unless we're drunk - in which case - we'll just "relax into the knowledge" that we're fucking trashed and lookin' to get laid. fair enough?

p.s. Emily Nagoski - thanks for spreading the good word. 

where i've been and what i missed

Okay - so i guess i've gotta go back like 13, 14 months. So 14 months ago is May, June, and I'm in the middle of finals and it's like a friggin whirlwind of exams and term papers and this shit and that shit. it's like the worst two weeks of your life.

So mom gets my grades halfway through the summer - or actually my mom gets the grades and I debate on whether or not i should even bother to give them to her, like maybe she'll forget or something - but of course she asks me about it like the next day. she's got like esp, i swear.

Anyway, she gets the grades and FLIPS THE F OUT over not an F but a D. (note: i've never gotten a D on anything, ever, so, yeah.) and i'm like, Mom, what the hell? it's not like it's in health or athletics or anything i give even a remote crap about. no, it's in - i even forget exactly what the class is - like media's affect on society. i D it because (a) i'm missed 9 classes, when apparently 8 is the only acceptable number of missed classes, and (b) the term paper was late, which is legit. the paper was awesome, by the way, but he refuses to read it. i shove it in this dude's face not even 12 hours after it was due and he's like "no thank you."

No, thank YOU professor for the biggest fucking waste of time and money imaginable. i won't be retaking your class next year. chew on that.

Long story short, mom's like "blog or support group?" i'm like "blog or support group WHAT??" and she's like "pick one, cause you're not doing both this year." if you know me at all - like Mac will tell you - the decision took me like 3 seconds. i aint giving up support group, no matter how annoying joseph is (my sweet jesus, that guy can go on about the goddamn weather. it's like - joseph, it's hot, it's SUMMER. chill the fuck out.) or how aggressive stevie's been getting lately or any of the other elements of it that are on my shit list. it keeps me normal. and you know i don't use that word, like, ever. it keeps me alive.

So we fast forward to TODAY - to this morning - when the grades are published online - when my mom puts on this serious as shit face and sits at the computer and pulls up the website - and it's straight fucking As. which was her ultimatum. i had to get straight As to get back "privileges."

unchain me, mom. i'm free. ATTICA!



I'm BACK, BITCHES!

(and can i just remind you how much i love that goddamn movie - and if you haven't seen it, you should be imprisoned)

What a great year and 2 months to miss too, right? the least of which being that asian dude's dick's cameo in Hangover2, which was kinda funny. So much more i can't even count. i might do a 2010-2011 wrap-up, but don't fucking count on it. it's summer. i'm poolside.

[nyc public pools by borough - don't try to find me idiots]

Got here just in time for Jeter's 3000, though. don't have much to say about that though. these announcers drag this shit out for so long - you know it's coming - why can't we just let it happen and be done with it. anyway, here's a bunch of semi-useless reactions to it, including one from jay-z. i'm just glad it happened against the Rays. they can chew on it, too.

alright, i got more coming. including what you sick mofos are searching on google that bring you to my site. what the hell is wrong with you? you need professional help.

see you poolside,
rickyB