I had the bad and ugly parts of this post all ready to go - i had to hunt down something good to say. that's so friggin messed up.
And then i remembered - DUH - my middle bro James is getting married!! which is kinda crazy cause he's the brother that - when you like line us up together - or when people see us on a christmas card - they're like, James is totally getting married last.
He's been datin this girl Steph for like 6 months and out of the blue pops the question on Easter - didnt talk to my parents about it - didnt talk to her parents about it - just spur of the moment and shit. go jamers! balls to the friggin wall, dude.
Jamers is gonna kill me for writing this - but stephanie is like way to hot for him. like jessica simpson hot. like EONS too hot for him. it's like a peacock marrying a pigeon covered in its own shit. so if you ask me, it's not like jamers was just so in love that he HAD to ask her - its not like he was so friggin overcome with joy that he magically transformed into the marrying type - i think he just wanted to nail her down before she realized this gross friggin error she'd made. or before she got corrective lenses.
BAD
i cannot believe the Yankees friggin lost last night. my buddy Wes and I were at this bar by CSI and we were totally flirtin with this hot greek waitress - and she was a huge Yankee fan - and then out of NOWHERE the sox pull ahead. and its one of those Oh shit moments when you know all hope is completely lost - the boys just lost their steam - they got cocky or whatever - and they blew it. a 5-0 lead and then they lose it. 7-9. UGH. totally sets the wrong tone for the rest of the season.
UGLY
Wes was so friggin drunk-pissed after the game last night - he wanted to go to the porno shop down the street and get something to watch when he got home - something to cheer him up.
Being in there was a nightmare. it wasn't just videos - it was like a video shop that decided to expand and cater to all clientele or whatever the fuck. there were like 4 glass displays of dildos. huge friggin scary ass dildos. ribbed dildos. dildos with ticklers. frightening shit. and all of them a good 8 inches thick.
and no - it's not the first time i've said it - but this is WHYYYY women think guys are supposed to be ginormous.
my first real high school girlfriend - lindsey - and we never had sex but we dry humped like daily - anyway, she had this giant vibrator. it was a gift from her friend. it was a friggin birthday gift. HUGE. and this could very possibly be why i never had sex with her. b/c i was intimated by this ginormous fake cock in that shoebox in the closet. my competition.
what truly killed me was the pink girly tissue paper she used to wrap her giant pleasure rod. the kind of pink tissue paper you'd only attribute to a six-year-old girl. used to disguise a monster friggin vibrator. thats some twisted shit.
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